The last book that I finished was a really good book to bring along on vacation. It was intriguing enough to make me want to read it and it was light enough reading to carry around while traveling. The book was Replay by Ken Grimwood. It was recommended by a member in my book club and was chosen to be our May book selection.
Replay is about a man who dies from a heart attack and relives his live several times over, making many different mistakes with each fresh life. The first time that he dies and comes back, he wakes up confused in his college boy body. He quickly figures out what happened (I think I would have been confused for much longer) and goes on to make millions by making bets on things that he already knows the outcome of or by playing the stock market. He marries, has a daughter and then dies again.
And again.
And again.
Each life is lived a little differently with the middle ones being lived in a pissed off way. And no kidding... I'd be pissed too if I had to do it all over again. Sure, maybe reliving one life- having a chance to do it all over again- would be kind of cool, especially if you were rich. And then, what the heck, have a try at it once more. But after that, I'd get a little pissy, too. Poor guy. I felt his pain of coming back again and again.
The middle of the book takes a turn and has a bit of a surprise that I won't share with you so I don't ruin the entire story. But trust me, it's a good read. Very good timing for an interesting beach book, if you happen to be looking for one.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
I'm sitting in a hotel room in Santa Clara, California, The room is nicely done; it's completely renovated with all of the conveniences a modern hotel should have. And it's not only a hotel room, but a one bedroom hotel room, complete with a door on the bedroom!
I find myself sitting in this nice room, waiting quietly for my daughter to wake from her nap in the bedroom that has an actual door (if you are a parent and do any type of traveling with kids, you'll understand the importance of this door). I'm wondering what to do; I'm not at home so I can't clean or fix something. There's no laundry to do. No dinner to prepare. I can't leave the hotel room to do anything because my child can't be left alone. I stand to look out the window- cause I actually have some spare time to gaze longingly out of a window- and realize that it's awfully bright in here. I like it dark and cozy. What the hell am I doing with the curtains open so that the sun has full access to my room? That's not like me. So I pull the blinders across the window most of the way, allowing a tiny amount of sunlight in, and the room transforms into my den; a dark, cozy room that's now the perfect setting to read or write. I pull up the chair, brew some hotel packet coffee, logon to my laptop and find myself here, ready to tell you about my latest read.
One morning, many months ago, I met a friend for coffee. We both realized around the same time that we were avid readers and decided to use this opportunity of meeting for a book exchange. What a great way- and a free way- to get more books to read. At the end of our session of chatting it up with some brew from the heavens above, we went to our cars and did the exchange. In the stack that I got was a book called Loving Frank by Nancy Horan.
It had been months since our book exchange and I felt kind of guilty for not reading any of the books that she gave me. And what if, at our next meeting, she asks me if I liked the books. I needed a response. A real response, just in case she decided to quiz me.
I didn't know much about Frank Lloyd Wright, and if you're the same, I won't ruin the story for you (like one of my good friends did while I was reading the book- flaunting her knowledge about his life and all!). Loving Frank is about Frank's affair with a married woman named Mamah Borthwick Cheney and the trials and tribulations that they go through to be together. It takes place in a different time- a time when cheating on a husband was regarded as a very, very bad thing to do. Cheating on a wife, that was a little more acceptable- still bad, but not as bad as what a woman might have to endure. Frank was also married to a woman named Catherine, but he seemed to struggle much less with the decision to move on without his kids.
Mamah ends up leaving, not only her husband, but her two kids as well. That really broke my heart to read about. It made me angry to think that a woman can give up her kids to be with another. I understand marriages not working out.... I'm divorced and have a child with my ex-husband. I also have that wanderlust spirit in me and if I didn't have my son, I would have up and moved at least a couple of times now. But, I stay. I stay so that my kid has both parents. I stay because I don't want to have to make him chose which one to live with. And I stay so that I don't ever have to give him up. It's somewhat simple in my mind. Do what you need to do and then be there for your kids. If that doing what you need to do involves leaving your kids behind, figure out something else because you're going to hurt those babies of yours and yourself in the long run.
The author did a great job of making you feel Mamah's sadness because she left her kids behind, but it was a sadness that I didn't really want to feel, especially because I do most of my reading at night, right before I drift off into dreamland. Yes, I had a couple of dreams about this and woke up in a bad mood because of those miserable dreams.
During Mamah's travels with Frank (they spend time in Germany and Italy), she meets Ellen Key, a well-known feminist who wrote several books on the feminist movement. So, that got me to thinking: does being a feminist make it ok to have kids and then run off and leave them because you realize there are other things to do? Does being a feminist mean that you shouldn't always have to be with your kids to raise them and then send them off when they are old enough to cope in the world without mama? What exactly does being a feminist mean? Especially these days? Has the woman's movement pushed us all a little too far and away from our kids by making it ok to not be so into being a mom?
What do you think?
I finished the book depressed by the entire story. Not to say that it wasn't a good book. It was just sad. Definitely not a story to lift your spirits. I did like it nonetheless. In fact, I plan on passing the book down to a friend of mine whose mother just graduated from the Frank Lloyd Wright School of Architecture, Taliesin. I thought she might like to read it since she has a closer connection through her mother to Frank.
Now I'm off to do some reading while the little one still sleeps. A two hour time change has made my little girl sleepy and given me some unexpected spare time!
I find myself sitting in this nice room, waiting quietly for my daughter to wake from her nap in the bedroom that has an actual door (if you are a parent and do any type of traveling with kids, you'll understand the importance of this door). I'm wondering what to do; I'm not at home so I can't clean or fix something. There's no laundry to do. No dinner to prepare. I can't leave the hotel room to do anything because my child can't be left alone. I stand to look out the window- cause I actually have some spare time to gaze longingly out of a window- and realize that it's awfully bright in here. I like it dark and cozy. What the hell am I doing with the curtains open so that the sun has full access to my room? That's not like me. So I pull the blinders across the window most of the way, allowing a tiny amount of sunlight in, and the room transforms into my den; a dark, cozy room that's now the perfect setting to read or write. I pull up the chair, brew some hotel packet coffee, logon to my laptop and find myself here, ready to tell you about my latest read.
One morning, many months ago, I met a friend for coffee. We both realized around the same time that we were avid readers and decided to use this opportunity of meeting for a book exchange. What a great way- and a free way- to get more books to read. At the end of our session of chatting it up with some brew from the heavens above, we went to our cars and did the exchange. In the stack that I got was a book called Loving Frank by Nancy Horan.
It had been months since our book exchange and I felt kind of guilty for not reading any of the books that she gave me. And what if, at our next meeting, she asks me if I liked the books. I needed a response. A real response, just in case she decided to quiz me.
I didn't know much about Frank Lloyd Wright, and if you're the same, I won't ruin the story for you (like one of my good friends did while I was reading the book- flaunting her knowledge about his life and all!). Loving Frank is about Frank's affair with a married woman named Mamah Borthwick Cheney and the trials and tribulations that they go through to be together. It takes place in a different time- a time when cheating on a husband was regarded as a very, very bad thing to do. Cheating on a wife, that was a little more acceptable- still bad, but not as bad as what a woman might have to endure. Frank was also married to a woman named Catherine, but he seemed to struggle much less with the decision to move on without his kids.
Mamah ends up leaving, not only her husband, but her two kids as well. That really broke my heart to read about. It made me angry to think that a woman can give up her kids to be with another. I understand marriages not working out.... I'm divorced and have a child with my ex-husband. I also have that wanderlust spirit in me and if I didn't have my son, I would have up and moved at least a couple of times now. But, I stay. I stay so that my kid has both parents. I stay because I don't want to have to make him chose which one to live with. And I stay so that I don't ever have to give him up. It's somewhat simple in my mind. Do what you need to do and then be there for your kids. If that doing what you need to do involves leaving your kids behind, figure out something else because you're going to hurt those babies of yours and yourself in the long run.
The author did a great job of making you feel Mamah's sadness because she left her kids behind, but it was a sadness that I didn't really want to feel, especially because I do most of my reading at night, right before I drift off into dreamland. Yes, I had a couple of dreams about this and woke up in a bad mood because of those miserable dreams.
During Mamah's travels with Frank (they spend time in Germany and Italy), she meets Ellen Key, a well-known feminist who wrote several books on the feminist movement. So, that got me to thinking: does being a feminist make it ok to have kids and then run off and leave them because you realize there are other things to do? Does being a feminist mean that you shouldn't always have to be with your kids to raise them and then send them off when they are old enough to cope in the world without mama? What exactly does being a feminist mean? Especially these days? Has the woman's movement pushed us all a little too far and away from our kids by making it ok to not be so into being a mom?
What do you think?
I finished the book depressed by the entire story. Not to say that it wasn't a good book. It was just sad. Definitely not a story to lift your spirits. I did like it nonetheless. In fact, I plan on passing the book down to a friend of mine whose mother just graduated from the Frank Lloyd Wright School of Architecture, Taliesin. I thought she might like to read it since she has a closer connection through her mother to Frank.
Now I'm off to do some reading while the little one still sleeps. A two hour time change has made my little girl sleepy and given me some unexpected spare time!
Thursday, June 4, 2009
The Red Leather Diary
My book club chose to read The Red Leather Diary for the month of May. I bought the book online and couldn't wait to start reading it. Why was I so anxious to get it in the mail? Because it's about something found in the trash that tells a story of another woman's life. Sounds good, eh?
It all starts with a bunch (I think close to 100, if memory serves me correctly) very old steamer trunks that are being dug up from the basement of an apartment building in the Upper West Side of Manhattan. Lily Kopel, the author of the book, is a budding writer for the New York Times who happens to be living in the building at the time that the management decides it's time to clean out the basement. On her way to work one morning, she finds a trash bin full of old stuff in trunks and then hops on into the dumpster to begin her dig.
Let me stop here to say that my chest was tight when I was reading that part of the story. How could all of that cool old stuff be so overlooked? Were they really going to just trash everything without even looking through the trunks? How insane! I wanted desperately to be there, digging my way through the private lives of unknown people with her. Ah, the joy of digging through the trash... you never know what you'll find. (I'm being a bit silly... I don't go digging in the trash, at least not that often.)
Among other vintage items that Lily couldn't part with, she finds a red leather diary that belonged to Florence Wolfson- a teen aged girl who received the journal as a gift for her fourteenth birthday. In her diary, which she writes in on a daily basis, she journals about the big and small things in her life; what it's like to as a socialite living in the upper class of New York City, her dreams and aspirations as a soon-to-be-woman, her lovers (many of them were lesbian relationships), and her school and family experiences. On a side note, I thought people back then didn't have sex until they were married. Wow, there was lots of sex before marriage happening in the 1930's. Very impressive.
Lily uses her skills as a journalist and the help of an investigator to track down the original owner of the diary (Florence lives in Florida now and is in her nineties) and the book is born.
The idea of the book was wonderful, but I thought it wasn't written as well as it could have been. I understand that the author tried to recreate Florence's world, and I appreciated the history of what it was like in New York at that time. However, I thought that her story could have been told a little better. By the end of the book, I still had so many questions.
I finished reading this book while on a plane ride back from a weekend without my kids and husband in Los Angeles, therefore, I had plenty of time to think about it. What's impressive to me is that the yearning that women have for a life of their own, lived on their own terms, hasn't changed much in the last hundred years. But does society still secretly urge young girls to hurry up and find herself a husband to have babies with? Is there still that pressure for women to have an identity that's tied into a man to be successful? I wonder.
Florence was incredibly gifted and could have gone on to make a life for herself, as an artist, a writer; whatever she wanted to be, she was the type of person who probably could have pulled it off. But what did she do? She up and got married and had babies and stayed home to raise those babies. Not that that's a bad thing. But why? Why did she cave to the pressure of society and her parents to do what was required of women at the time? What happened in Florence's life after she quit writing in the diary? What propelled her to make the decisions that she did?
See what I mean? I wanted more when the book was done. Not having closure at the end of a book is never a good thing, unless there's a sequel planned. I doubt it's going to happen with this one, so I will just have to make assumptions in the case of Florence Wolfson and her life that she lived.
What was the general thought from the others in the group who read the book? There were a couple who didn't like it, possibly because she had non-traditional relationships and many people don't like reading about people who are gay (even if they are only gay for a short period of time). I think I asked why, but I can't remember their reason for not liking it now. Must have been the two beers that I had downed by the time we started talking about the book that made me forget parts of the conversation. But, the majority of the ladies seemed to like the book. In fact, we spent the most time talking about this book than any other in our book club for the past year and a half. So I'd say you should buy it and read it. And tell me what you think. But make sure I haven't started drinking yet or I'll just forget what you said.
Kisses!
It all starts with a bunch (I think close to 100, if memory serves me correctly) very old steamer trunks that are being dug up from the basement of an apartment building in the Upper West Side of Manhattan. Lily Kopel, the author of the book, is a budding writer for the New York Times who happens to be living in the building at the time that the management decides it's time to clean out the basement. On her way to work one morning, she finds a trash bin full of old stuff in trunks and then hops on into the dumpster to begin her dig.
Let me stop here to say that my chest was tight when I was reading that part of the story. How could all of that cool old stuff be so overlooked? Were they really going to just trash everything without even looking through the trunks? How insane! I wanted desperately to be there, digging my way through the private lives of unknown people with her. Ah, the joy of digging through the trash... you never know what you'll find. (I'm being a bit silly... I don't go digging in the trash, at least not that often.)
Among other vintage items that Lily couldn't part with, she finds a red leather diary that belonged to Florence Wolfson- a teen aged girl who received the journal as a gift for her fourteenth birthday. In her diary, which she writes in on a daily basis, she journals about the big and small things in her life; what it's like to as a socialite living in the upper class of New York City, her dreams and aspirations as a soon-to-be-woman, her lovers (many of them were lesbian relationships), and her school and family experiences. On a side note, I thought people back then didn't have sex until they were married. Wow, there was lots of sex before marriage happening in the 1930's. Very impressive.
Lily uses her skills as a journalist and the help of an investigator to track down the original owner of the diary (Florence lives in Florida now and is in her nineties) and the book is born.
The idea of the book was wonderful, but I thought it wasn't written as well as it could have been. I understand that the author tried to recreate Florence's world, and I appreciated the history of what it was like in New York at that time. However, I thought that her story could have been told a little better. By the end of the book, I still had so many questions.
I finished reading this book while on a plane ride back from a weekend without my kids and husband in Los Angeles, therefore, I had plenty of time to think about it. What's impressive to me is that the yearning that women have for a life of their own, lived on their own terms, hasn't changed much in the last hundred years. But does society still secretly urge young girls to hurry up and find herself a husband to have babies with? Is there still that pressure for women to have an identity that's tied into a man to be successful? I wonder.
Florence was incredibly gifted and could have gone on to make a life for herself, as an artist, a writer; whatever she wanted to be, she was the type of person who probably could have pulled it off. But what did she do? She up and got married and had babies and stayed home to raise those babies. Not that that's a bad thing. But why? Why did she cave to the pressure of society and her parents to do what was required of women at the time? What happened in Florence's life after she quit writing in the diary? What propelled her to make the decisions that she did?
See what I mean? I wanted more when the book was done. Not having closure at the end of a book is never a good thing, unless there's a sequel planned. I doubt it's going to happen with this one, so I will just have to make assumptions in the case of Florence Wolfson and her life that she lived.
What was the general thought from the others in the group who read the book? There were a couple who didn't like it, possibly because she had non-traditional relationships and many people don't like reading about people who are gay (even if they are only gay for a short period of time). I think I asked why, but I can't remember their reason for not liking it now. Must have been the two beers that I had downed by the time we started talking about the book that made me forget parts of the conversation. But, the majority of the ladies seemed to like the book. In fact, we spent the most time talking about this book than any other in our book club for the past year and a half. So I'd say you should buy it and read it. And tell me what you think. But make sure I haven't started drinking yet or I'll just forget what you said.
Kisses!
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
I'm Not Moving Anytime Soon
I stayed up until 2:17am on the eve of Mother's Day trying to finish up The Package Deal. I was close enough, or so I thought, to the end, and I thought, "What the hell.... I get to sleep in tomorrow for Mother's Day, so I might as well stay up late to read."
Wrong decision. It's not that the book was bad and that's what made it a bad decision. On the contrary, it was a great read. Why, you ask, was it a bad choice to stay awake way past my bedtime reading? Well, the cute little two year old in my house decided that she was going to wake up early, which would not have been such a biggie because Papa would take care of her. But she also decided to be really cranky and cry until 10:00am. So, I slept for five minutes, woke up for twenty. Slept for five, woke up for ten.... you get it. Not much sleeping in on MY DAY!
Oh well. This is how the story goes if there are little kids around. Gotta prepare for the unexpected, right?
While reading Izzy's book, I had lots on my mind. You see, I have a ten year old son from a previous marriage, and he now has a stepmom of his own. So reading a book about a single woman shedding her single woman skin and growing into her role as full-time mama made me think of the other woman in my son's life- his stepmother. We have a fairly decent relationship with each other- no fighting or jealousy that is typically so common between two women sharing kids. My son's stepmom already had two kids of her own, so it was probably much easier for her to transition to being a stepmom. And she did a good job of not taking over the roll of mother. Somehow we just made it all ok.
Izzy, she didn't have kids of her own. Now, some of you may argue that she became a stepmom to two older kids- like somehow that's easier than inheriting a toddler or a baby. I tend to disagree. While little kids are ton of work, taking two older kids who already know what's going on seems to me like it might be a bit tougher to handle, especially on an emotional level for all who are involved. Less physical work with younger kids, more mental work with older ones. Those older boys have been around the block once or twice. There's no fooling them like you could with a little toddler or baby.
A couple of things that really made me appreciate reading The Package Deal:
1. I am happy that all four of my son's parents live in the same area. Oh, how I've wanted many times to pack up and move. Anywhere, really. In my soul, I'm a wanderer looking for new adventures and new ways to live life. And now that I am married to a German and have an opportunity to live in Europe again, it's very hard to stay put sometimes. The things I could do in Europe! Ah, the places to go and people to meet! But what would moving away do to my son, whose father would stay in Texas (because he LOVES Texas and would never be happy anywhere else)? It'd be horrible on him. He'd likely have to choose which parent to spend the majority of his time with, and there's no way in hell I'd let him go. Off to court we'd surely go.
So, thanks to the story, I know for sure that I will be in Texas for another 7 years. Bummer that for my wandering soul, but happy to know that my child will have one less thing to hold against me when he's older. A small sacrifice to make to raise my child.
And number 2: Where was the biomom in all of this? In the book, they (the four parents) agreed to move in a pack, more or less. If one parent got a job offer that was a better opportunity for their career, they'd all pack up and move together to make the raising of the kids easier. Well, this didn't work out and the real mom ended up staying in California. The two kids moved with the dad (and the writer of this book) to Austin. They ended up staying with them in Austin for months, apparently not seeing the real mom. And then, when Izzy had a chance to sit with the biomom to ask if she was indeed still planning on moving to Austin,(to raise HER KIDS), she was very aloof about it all and actually said something like, "Let me know if you want me to take them back."
What the fuck? Izzy Rose did a very good job not talking bad about the biomom because I instantly judged her from that comment. I'm human. What can I say?
What kind of mother would just let her kids go so easily? It made me incredibly judgemental of the biomom and very impressed with Izzy for standing in as she did to take care of these kids. Sure, I don't know the other side or the extenuating circumstances... blah blah blah... I just wanted to judge her alright. Luckily, for those boys, Izzy somehow knew the bottom line was to take care of these two kids who happened to be born from another. How cool is that?
And, it would appear that biomom has kids from her new marriage (as do I). It made me realize the importance of blending the families so the kids from the new marriages don't feel less special. It's a tough thing to do, especially if there's a huge age difference between the kids. But, I think after reading this, I will make an extra effort to make sure my son knows that he's just as special as the "new" kid in the house! I could never replace him with another.
She cracked me up talking about how she didn't want the dirt from the kids in her house and on her furniture. And let me tell you, she's not alone in that thinking. Birth mothers feel the same way! I can't tell you how many times I look at all of the sweaty, dirty kids with their freakin feet on my sofa and have a little attack of he sight of it. Gross!
Long story short, it was a good book. I talked with another lady who was reading it and said she was offended within the first 14 pages. I thought that was interesting- not the type of book I would think anyone could find offensive, so I'm wondering what you think about it. Have you read it? Did you delight in Izzy's accomplishments as a single woman who turned into super stepmom to two older boys? Did you find her offensive?
Wrong decision. It's not that the book was bad and that's what made it a bad decision. On the contrary, it was a great read. Why, you ask, was it a bad choice to stay awake way past my bedtime reading? Well, the cute little two year old in my house decided that she was going to wake up early, which would not have been such a biggie because Papa would take care of her. But she also decided to be really cranky and cry until 10:00am. So, I slept for five minutes, woke up for twenty. Slept for five, woke up for ten.... you get it. Not much sleeping in on MY DAY!
Oh well. This is how the story goes if there are little kids around. Gotta prepare for the unexpected, right?
While reading Izzy's book, I had lots on my mind. You see, I have a ten year old son from a previous marriage, and he now has a stepmom of his own. So reading a book about a single woman shedding her single woman skin and growing into her role as full-time mama made me think of the other woman in my son's life- his stepmother. We have a fairly decent relationship with each other- no fighting or jealousy that is typically so common between two women sharing kids. My son's stepmom already had two kids of her own, so it was probably much easier for her to transition to being a stepmom. And she did a good job of not taking over the roll of mother. Somehow we just made it all ok.
Izzy, she didn't have kids of her own. Now, some of you may argue that she became a stepmom to two older kids- like somehow that's easier than inheriting a toddler or a baby. I tend to disagree. While little kids are ton of work, taking two older kids who already know what's going on seems to me like it might be a bit tougher to handle, especially on an emotional level for all who are involved. Less physical work with younger kids, more mental work with older ones. Those older boys have been around the block once or twice. There's no fooling them like you could with a little toddler or baby.
A couple of things that really made me appreciate reading The Package Deal:
1. I am happy that all four of my son's parents live in the same area. Oh, how I've wanted many times to pack up and move. Anywhere, really. In my soul, I'm a wanderer looking for new adventures and new ways to live life. And now that I am married to a German and have an opportunity to live in Europe again, it's very hard to stay put sometimes. The things I could do in Europe! Ah, the places to go and people to meet! But what would moving away do to my son, whose father would stay in Texas (because he LOVES Texas and would never be happy anywhere else)? It'd be horrible on him. He'd likely have to choose which parent to spend the majority of his time with, and there's no way in hell I'd let him go. Off to court we'd surely go.
So, thanks to the story, I know for sure that I will be in Texas for another 7 years. Bummer that for my wandering soul, but happy to know that my child will have one less thing to hold against me when he's older. A small sacrifice to make to raise my child.
And number 2: Where was the biomom in all of this? In the book, they (the four parents) agreed to move in a pack, more or less. If one parent got a job offer that was a better opportunity for their career, they'd all pack up and move together to make the raising of the kids easier. Well, this didn't work out and the real mom ended up staying in California. The two kids moved with the dad (and the writer of this book) to Austin. They ended up staying with them in Austin for months, apparently not seeing the real mom. And then, when Izzy had a chance to sit with the biomom to ask if she was indeed still planning on moving to Austin,(to raise HER KIDS), she was very aloof about it all and actually said something like, "Let me know if you want me to take them back."
What the fuck? Izzy Rose did a very good job not talking bad about the biomom because I instantly judged her from that comment. I'm human. What can I say?
What kind of mother would just let her kids go so easily? It made me incredibly judgemental of the biomom and very impressed with Izzy for standing in as she did to take care of these kids. Sure, I don't know the other side or the extenuating circumstances... blah blah blah... I just wanted to judge her alright. Luckily, for those boys, Izzy somehow knew the bottom line was to take care of these two kids who happened to be born from another. How cool is that?
And, it would appear that biomom has kids from her new marriage (as do I). It made me realize the importance of blending the families so the kids from the new marriages don't feel less special. It's a tough thing to do, especially if there's a huge age difference between the kids. But, I think after reading this, I will make an extra effort to make sure my son knows that he's just as special as the "new" kid in the house! I could never replace him with another.
She cracked me up talking about how she didn't want the dirt from the kids in her house and on her furniture. And let me tell you, she's not alone in that thinking. Birth mothers feel the same way! I can't tell you how many times I look at all of the sweaty, dirty kids with their freakin feet on my sofa and have a little attack of he sight of it. Gross!
Long story short, it was a good book. I talked with another lady who was reading it and said she was offended within the first 14 pages. I thought that was interesting- not the type of book I would think anyone could find offensive, so I'm wondering what you think about it. Have you read it? Did you delight in Izzy's accomplishments as a single woman who turned into super stepmom to two older boys? Did you find her offensive?
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Laughing Out Loud
I finished reading In Transit yesterday. I have to say that I was a little disappointed; the book just wasn't as heavy as I thought it would be. I'll admit that the character, Bryan, had some issues. He was a big fan of sadomasochism, slept with many women- prostitutes, transvestites and all- without having much of a need to develop a true tie to anyone. For some reason, I think I was expecting much worse. Maybe I'm just one fucked up woman for thinking that the content wasn't as dicey as I thought it could have been. But writing about a sexually abused character is tough. I should know. I'm stalled out and the character in my book is me!
Some thoughts that I had when reading this book: Do all survivors of childhood sexual abuse grow up to never outgrow their issues? What's the success rate of a survivor growing up to not become an alcoholic, drug addict, loner, sex abuser or all out psycho? What can change in our society to make these many masses of people who were or are being abused heal to go on to lead a happy, successful life? I think that was the heaviest thing about this book for me.
In the book, they tried to figure out what happened to the character when he was young. He had memories of the abuse, but they weren't very clear. Most of the people that knew the people involved kept their mouths shut, as they didn't want to have anything to do with it. I fear that this is how the majority of our society is. And how exactly can someone heal from their past if everyone who may be able to help claims to not remember any details. Yes, that part of the book pissed me off.
I also felt a little disappointed that I couldn't get more into the character's head. I wasn't clear on all of the details of his abuse, nor did I really feel any empathy for him because he was so distant. Which, I'm assuming that's how the author intended the reader to feel about him?
Overall, the writing was good. The story was easy to follow, although it was lacking some of the punch that I thought it would have. Would I recommend it? I certainly would if it was a beginner book for someone reading about sexual abuse. It was sad, but not in a rip your heart out and make you vomit kind of way.
What am I reading now, you ask? The Package Deal: My (not-so) Glamorous Transition from Single Gal to Instant Mom is my newest book. It was written by Izzy Rose, another local Austin author. She is the creator of StepMothersMilk.com- a website that offers support to stepmoms around the world.
I started to read this book before I was finished with In Transit because I am going to Izzy's Book Launch Party at BookPeople on Friday night (If you live in Austin, head down there at 7:00pm... there will be cupcakes from Hey Cupcake and cocktails!!). I wanted to be able to talk with her about it and ask questions, should there be an opportunity. I love it so far. I'm about a quarter of the way into the book and it's actually making me laugh out loud! Huh, I almost never laugh out loud when I'm reading. That's actually a pet peeve of mine, come to think of it. I can't stand when someone is reading next to me and they start laughing. It's like I'm expected to ask why they are laughing and get into the book with them. I don't like that kind of pressure.
Anyway, this book is a must read, even if you are not a stepmom, mom or woman. She's a great storyteller with an awesome sense of humor. Makes me want to go out for cocktails with her so that we can laugh out loud.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
I Thought I Could
I really thought that I could get away with only posting about books that I find in thrift stores on this here blog. I convinced myself that I could spend most of my time reading said thrift store books (because I have so many of 'em). Instead, what I've found is that more books seem to find their way into my life through other means. Then, I have to read those books and neglect the ones that I find at the thrift stores. Such a sad story, but true.
The thrift store books have been left alone, sitting on top of shelves or armoires, waiting for their turn in my life. This fact, dear readers, contributes to the lack of postings recently.
Yes, I've still been reading. Straight Up and Dirty, by Stephanie Klein because it was chosen by other members in my book club. And we got to sit and chat it up with the author, as she lives in Austin and was kind enough to meet us at a little not-so-good but fancy looking bistro here in Austin.
I've put aside La Batarde because I had to hurry up and read Straight Up and Dirty. I have to admit that I miss Miss. Leduc from La Batarde. I keep thinking of her and want more. At last, I thought I could pick it back up and continue where I left off. Wrong. Foiled again!
Yesterday, I met a very interesting (and I use interesting in the true sense of the word, not the interesting bad kind of way) local author who had a couple of books that she was promoting at the Maifest at the German-Texas Heritage Society. Her name is Ute Carson. She wrote a book called In Transit, which is about a sexually abused boy whose mother just died and he goes in transit to make his way through a relationship with a woman called Blanca. I just started to read it and so that's really all I can offer up at this moment.
Writing a book on my own childhood sexual abuse, I simply couldn't pass this one up. I've been pondering this whole sexual abuse issue over and over in my mind lately. Partly because it's an issue that is always on my mind- it lives in me and will never go away, no matter how much I heal. And, it's also because I'm working out the details in my mind about how I can present my story to others. And I wonder: Is it too heavy of a subject to write about? Will people even want to read something that weighs so heavily on them? Should I write it as a fictional piece rather than an autobiographical one? Should I even care about what others will like and just write it as therapy for myself? Ah, my mind never shuts down, people.
I sat and listened to the remarks that people were making yesterday about the subject of In Transit. One older man, after hearing the description from another, made a comment that it's just not something for him. Another younger woman glazed over when it was being described to her. Me, I will share my tale of abuse with anyone who wants to hear it. I'll also gladly listen when someone needs to talk. It's a heavy subject, but that's probably one of the reasons why there are so many cases of child abuse. If only more people could learn to listen, to talk, things could then begin to change. It wouldn't be swept under the rug and not talked about. Yesterday opened up a whole new perspective for me.
Now, readers, do you see why I have to share what I think and feel about this new book that made its way into my life? Are you willing to listen with an open heart and open mind about a story of a sexually abused man trying to figure out where he stands in life?
I realize that keeping an open mind is sometimes better than sticking to our guns.
The thrift store books have been left alone, sitting on top of shelves or armoires, waiting for their turn in my life. This fact, dear readers, contributes to the lack of postings recently.
Yes, I've still been reading. Straight Up and Dirty, by Stephanie Klein because it was chosen by other members in my book club. And we got to sit and chat it up with the author, as she lives in Austin and was kind enough to meet us at a little not-so-good but fancy looking bistro here in Austin.
I've put aside La Batarde because I had to hurry up and read Straight Up and Dirty. I have to admit that I miss Miss. Leduc from La Batarde. I keep thinking of her and want more. At last, I thought I could pick it back up and continue where I left off. Wrong. Foiled again!
Yesterday, I met a very interesting (and I use interesting in the true sense of the word, not the interesting bad kind of way) local author who had a couple of books that she was promoting at the Maifest at the German-Texas Heritage Society. Her name is Ute Carson. She wrote a book called In Transit, which is about a sexually abused boy whose mother just died and he goes in transit to make his way through a relationship with a woman called Blanca. I just started to read it and so that's really all I can offer up at this moment.
Writing a book on my own childhood sexual abuse, I simply couldn't pass this one up. I've been pondering this whole sexual abuse issue over and over in my mind lately. Partly because it's an issue that is always on my mind- it lives in me and will never go away, no matter how much I heal. And, it's also because I'm working out the details in my mind about how I can present my story to others. And I wonder: Is it too heavy of a subject to write about? Will people even want to read something that weighs so heavily on them? Should I write it as a fictional piece rather than an autobiographical one? Should I even care about what others will like and just write it as therapy for myself? Ah, my mind never shuts down, people.
I sat and listened to the remarks that people were making yesterday about the subject of In Transit. One older man, after hearing the description from another, made a comment that it's just not something for him. Another younger woman glazed over when it was being described to her. Me, I will share my tale of abuse with anyone who wants to hear it. I'll also gladly listen when someone needs to talk. It's a heavy subject, but that's probably one of the reasons why there are so many cases of child abuse. If only more people could learn to listen, to talk, things could then begin to change. It wouldn't be swept under the rug and not talked about. Yesterday opened up a whole new perspective for me.
Now, readers, do you see why I have to share what I think and feel about this new book that made its way into my life? Are you willing to listen with an open heart and open mind about a story of a sexually abused man trying to figure out where he stands in life?
I realize that keeping an open mind is sometimes better than sticking to our guns.
Friday, April 3, 2009
A Mood Lifter
Funny how an action like reading a book can make me feel excited again. Yes, it's strange that finishing a book and finding another that connects you in the same way can begin to lift the veil of numbness that has settled on me over the past few years.
Sometimes in life we get a little down and out. And that's alright. The important thing about these ups and downs is that we come back out on top. For some people, it takes medication. For me, the revitalisation comes from connecting with a dead writer. Yes, leave it to me to find a strange way to come out of a little depression.
As a child who spent many years being sexually abused, it's taken its toll on my life in many areas, which I won't go into details about- at least not today. The truth of the matter is that words can be a great therapy. And this is what I'm learning from Violette Leduc's writing. I've found some excitement again in what I'm reading. I've found some inspiration in the words that she's written. Finally a sense of who I am comes back.
See what a little reading can do for your life. Who needs prozac?
Want some of what I've got? Pick up a copy of La Batarde and throw away that bottle of pills in your medicine chest.
Sometimes in life we get a little down and out. And that's alright. The important thing about these ups and downs is that we come back out on top. For some people, it takes medication. For me, the revitalisation comes from connecting with a dead writer. Yes, leave it to me to find a strange way to come out of a little depression.
As a child who spent many years being sexually abused, it's taken its toll on my life in many areas, which I won't go into details about- at least not today. The truth of the matter is that words can be a great therapy. And this is what I'm learning from Violette Leduc's writing. I've found some excitement again in what I'm reading. I've found some inspiration in the words that she's written. Finally a sense of who I am comes back.
See what a little reading can do for your life. Who needs prozac?
Want some of what I've got? Pick up a copy of La Batarde and throw away that bottle of pills in your medicine chest.
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